remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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