2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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