you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
