Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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