dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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