Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
