New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
