So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
