Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
