Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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