Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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