he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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