eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize