shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
