And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this boner is exhausting
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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