i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We got so high we made milksteak
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
