So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
