Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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