Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
