Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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