She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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