That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
