That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
