her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
