This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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