Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
