i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
