Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
