She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every concussion has its silver lining
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
