My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
