So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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