FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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