i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Boobs are out for the taking
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
