I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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