I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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