cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We're too hungover to prance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
