He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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