My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
