Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
