the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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