Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
