I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
