I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
