He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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