i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
