Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
