belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
