Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
