I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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