I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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