Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize