Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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