If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
