if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize