I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
