Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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