I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How's work?
Spinning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
