Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
