hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
