why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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