Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
