dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
