; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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