hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize