Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
