i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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