that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
