my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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