We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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