my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Screwed.edu
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
