if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
