Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
