I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
