If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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