For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
