I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
