I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
