So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
