He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
