Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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