How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
