I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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