This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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