I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
