3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
