they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
