So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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