sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am puke
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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