She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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