Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
