no, he came in my armpit
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You left your phone here
Wait...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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