Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
