The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
