The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
