I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
